I know I’m ill

I know I’m ill, but worse still; worse than injections, worse than pain
Is knowing it’s my fault you’re crying
Again.
I want to get better, of course I do
But mostly I want to be happy
With you.
I guess, while you kept crying,
I learnt to accept.
And I’m trying to roll with the waves.
Does that sound brave?
It’s not.
I have no control, and so, I roll with the punches,
A lot.
When what I want is to roll with laughter.

They might not understand
We might be banned from every sick bed in the land.
Because you’ve always made me giggle
You’d just have to wiggle your brows at me,
so only I could see, or tickle my knee
Under the table, ‘til I wasn’t able to hide my grin
And you’d win.

You!
Dafter than anyone
You were my sun.

Make me laugh again. Fill my brain with so much happy
People think that I’ve gone dappy.

I want to make you smile, I want to make you proud
I want to tell you crying and sobbing aren’t allowed.

So, here’s my wish, my heart’s desire
Let’s make a liar of doctors’ predictions
and Google’s conviction that there is no hope.
Because I can cope
If
you can smile.

And while we can, we’ll plan a lifeline of laughter
(Forget about after)
A lifetime of good times is what I need now.

I know
you love me,
so, you’ll work out how.

One thought on “I know I’m ill

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