Maybe it’s time for us parents
to do what the teachers aren’t able
And tell DfE civil servants
where to stick their stupid league table.
The numbers of kids in a year group
are too small to draw safe conclusions.
So trying to rank their results this way
is only causing confusion.

If numbers don’t reach significance,
statisticians make one thing quite clear,
Most dips and peaks merely reflect
normal difference – it happens each year.

And then there’s the fact that a test
Is an imperfect measure at best.

It captures only a fraction
Of the truly important facets of life
Likely to bring satisfaction.

Now look at the kids in your own home.
How do you rank their success?
If they don’t all come out with equal A stars,
Do you love them any less?

And if you live in a place, like here,
Where schools use exams to select
The brightest (or richest) of students.
Well, duh! What do you expect?

Maybe it’s time for us parents to try to understand
That every teacher, in every school, up and down this land
Is simply and only doing their best.

And, sometimes, our kids might flunk the odd test.

When I’m choosing schools for my children
Only one table matters a bit.
I think a classroom needs tables
And chairs on which children can sit!