I’m helping my country to tackle tax dodgers.
Step one: Simply find out where Jacob Rees-Mogg is.
Step two: Ask him kindly if maybe the fact is
He despises his country too much to pay taxes?
Step three: we explain that we all understand.
After all, he has witnessed corruption first-hand.
I guess he’s reluctant to hand over large sums
When he knows they’ll be wasted in paying off chums.
Step four: I’d remind him what taxes are used for.
It could well have been him stuck with growing up poor.
I think he’d have wanted the world then to allow
That if he worked hard he could get where he is now?
Society has to invest in the many,
Not protect the wealthy and scrimp every penny
It spend on the poorest it calls ‘undeserving’.
For that is what taxes are for. They’re for serving.
Appeal to his conscience – remind him that Jesus
Would not like a miser much richer than Croesus.
No man should get rich putting gruel into soup bowls.
Step five: Change the law so we close legal loopholes
No longer allow offshore funds in Isles Cayman
Find those who still use them, and name them and shame them
In short, find the millions he hides in his hauteur
Tally the total, make him pay back a quarter.