“I’ve always been honest,” says Rishi Sunak.
(This statement, itself, is a lie.)
“I couldn’t, at once, have had everyone’s back.”
(The truth is, he just didn’t try)

“I listened most keenly to all the advice
(Coming from donors who paid me)
Sadly, we all must make some sacrifice
(Except me – nobody made me).”

“First, you must give up ridiculous dreams
Of having a half-decent life.
And I’ll build a castle to block out your screams,
Protecting my billionaire wife.”

“I understand money more than you, Mate.
I’ve buckets of wonga and cash.
I was in finance, two-thousand and eight
And helped make the stock market crash.”

“I could tax the windfalls of Shell and BP,
Redistribute wealth, but I won’t.
I’ll just write off fraud, ignore lost PPE.
Shocking if you care. But I don’t.”

“I just can’t help everyone, as I once said.
I’m helping the rich, just like me.
While I get much richer, and eat seeded bread,
You’ll shiver, with nothing for tea.”